If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't deserve a penis
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
