I hate all girls vehemently.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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