just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
