How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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