I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
