??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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