That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
