Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
