Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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