Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
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Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
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we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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