i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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