If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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