paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
