Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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