I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I wear drunk well.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
