Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Less talking, more tequila
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There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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