did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
