it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Randomize
