I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
