Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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