oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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