I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
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