I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
