So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
