wat bout pragnant strippers??
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
