Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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