she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
