i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
