how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
