I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How external is "for external use only"?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
