you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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