Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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