There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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