Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
