Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
love makes seman taste better
zippers are such a cool invention
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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