Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize