I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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