Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
