I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
