Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize