Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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