He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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