I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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