My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
