we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
