we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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