Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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