How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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