I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
