so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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