So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
