I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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