After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
