Got a toothbrush?
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When are your genitals available?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
