I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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