There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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