Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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