remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
When did angry sex become our thing?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
