So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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