I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
